


metal stairs and meerkats

by secondsofhappiness (orphan_account)



Series: The Mill Stories [3]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Gen, If I must use that surname, M/M, Sebastian White - Freeform, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-29 18:23:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13932690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/secondsofhappiness
Summary: Aaron roll his eyes. “Well it was you who insisted we be up and out for half eight to take a newborn to a busy zoo. You asked for tired.”Laughing, Robert nods. “It was a good day though, wasn’t it?” He watches Aaron’s eyes focus in, warm and sleepy and full of the love he’s learning to deserve.---------Part 3 of The Mill StoriesRobert, Aaron and Seb recover from their trip to the zoo.[This is my attempt to write these two with Seb for those who are still struggling]





	metal stairs and meerkats

**Author's Note:**

> I really enjoyed writing this one. There's still quite a few lovely folks who are struggling with Seb and I wrote this with them in mind.  
> I really hope you enjoy it and if anyone has any Mill moments they'd like written then please pop them in the comments or send them to me at my tumblr @secondsofhappiness

The staircase was a mistake. He'll concede that silently but Aaron is never to know because smug Aaron is fine - kind of hot - but righteous Aaron is  _ no good _ . Righteous Aaron never shuts up about stuff so Robert keeps his hatred of his own interior design choice to himself, bundles the washing close to his chest and makes his descent carefully.

It's not until he reaches the bottom of the stairs and is able to see over the mound of socks, baby grows and pillowcases in his hand that he spots them. 

Aaron and Seb. Aaron and his son. 

They'd bickered over which toy to buy in the gift shop today, Robert insisting that every little kid wants a lion or tiger. It's the law. Aaron had frowned and argued that Seb had smiled the widest at the meerkats. 

They'd compromised and bought both but Aaron had worn a smug smile all afternoon as Seb clung to the meerkat and left the lion discarded at the side of his pram.

It seemed that Aaron had been right all along because Seb’s still clinging to it, the long furry arm of the toy in his tiny grasp as he lies across Aaron's chest. The same chest Robert likes to lie across any chance he gets. He smiles. Seb is his son alright. 

They're two peas in a pod, best mates already, his son and his husband. They sleep like the dead and often together and this afternoon is no exception.

It's like swallowing syrup, like breathing around a ball of light and choking down tears looking at them both. It's miraculous. It's weird. It's brilliant. It's  _ home _ .

It's still surreal. Aaron is the best person in the world but as Robert bundles the washing into the machine and start the cycle, he turns and perches against the bench with his eyes on the sofa once more. It still does seem real. He can barely tear his eyes away from them both whenever they interact. 

Life has never been consistent. Loved ones have left, been torn away, turned cruel, have disappointed and hated and blamed and sometimes for good reason but contentment is foreign. Nothing last and nobody forgives and people don't understand. Everything is messy and fraught and there's always stress. He's looked over his shoulder every year, each one beginning with resolutions to be better and stronger and each has ended in unfulfilled promises. Nothing is ever good for long except.... except.

Aaron.

He forgives. He exceeds expectations. He listens. He fights. He cares. He is bravery and warmth and everything. 

He's what Robert wants for Seb. What Robert wants to  _ be _ for Seb.

There's a difference between wanting something and deserving it and Robert isn't there yet. He's wanted Aaron since the day they met. The want has changed in meaning over the years: sometimes selfish, sometimes passionate, sometimes desperate, sometimes cruel, sometimes with an aching heart and sometimes in disregard of everything else because it sat so close to love in his heart. Wanting was never the problem. Deserving is the prize to be won and Robert sighs, running his hands over the counter top and taking a deep breath. He can do it. He can deserve this and believe it too. He doesn't - not yet - but he will.

Aaron's shuffling a little now, wriggling in his sleep, but one arm stays sound against Seb's back. His fingers are splayed and firm and Robert feels weak at the knees, bowled over and choked. He gets like this sometimes. It hits him out of the blue and he lets it hurt and heal every time, never shying away from the bad because letting that sink in is the only way to learn from it, to creep closer to that dream of worthiness. 

It's not surprising that kids flock to Aaron. He's a human teddy bear, all growly but sweet, firm but quick to cuddle and soothe. He's fine with mess and is all strong arms and soft hoodies. Kids love him. Robert loves him and sometimes for all of the same reasons. Seb seems to like Aaron's grip, the way he'll throw Seb around and perch him against his chest with one hand. He's easy like that, Aaron; he's so confident and that's new. Robert smiles and makes his way towards the sofa, clocking the TV and rolls his eyes at the low volume re-run of some crappy house renovation show. As he sits on the opposite couch, he does it slowly so as not to wake them or knock the coffee table. He succeeds and breathes out a laugh as he spots the lion on the floor at Aaron's feet. 

Aaron wins. It's hardly a surprise.

It had been his idea to go to the zoo and although most days felt tentative and fragile at the moment, today had been the first in a long time that Robert had found a few moments to breathe in and out without it shaking, had forgotten to worry about the little things, had left the stress behind, had allowed himself to lean into his new reality. Aaron doesn't seem to worry nowadays. He walks differently, slots his hands into his pockets and smiles and tells instead of asking. He’s amazing and he’s the reason their day out had worked so well.

A baby as old as Seb at the zoo was questionable at best. At his age they don’t know the difference between a snow leopard and a sheep but it had still worked somehow. When Robert had flapped, worrying about Seb’s needs and doing right by him so far from home, he’d turned to find Aaron with his head thrown back laughing as Seb tossed his hands up and made incomprehensible noises at the penguins. They were fast friends, Seb confident in Aaron’s arms and always moving from one moment of joy to the next. 

Robert smiled to himself, eyes still trained on the other sofa. He couldn’t feel hard done by, could never feel insignificant because there simply wasn’t any room for that, not when he was filled with joy himself. It was a dream come true, a reality that had once felt tainted and cracked down the centre with responsibility in opposition to happiness but now they were one and the same and how they’d got here was a blur. It wasn’t worth dwelling on because here was the man of his dreams with the son he never expected and, at one time, never wanted.

The shame eats at him still, tears at his heart till he has to shake it free and distract himself with creating bottles or folding tiny clothes - anything to make up for it. He was so wrong and now the thought of giving away the son he’d fought so hard to deny makes his breath catch because the pain is a pain he’s familiar with. It is focused and difficult to breathe around, it snatches at his heart and makes him want to run and curl up all at once. It makes him want to hurt someone as hard so they can share in the pain too and understand how it feels to live with it. He knows the pain because it’s the same pain he felt when Aaron asked him to leave the home he’d built for them both. Shame had dragged at his feet with every step he’d taken; it was a sluggish and deep seated shame pierced only by the sharp pain of loss. 

He couldn’t do it again. He couldn’t survive that a second time and looking at the two people who were responsible for the healing wounds around his heart made everything better. They were both vital and both just as important as the other. He’d never let either of them down again.

“You’re staring again, Robert.”

He jumped, eyes wild until they came to meet Aaron’s. He was grinning into the couch cushion and Robert grinned back, sheepish.

“I might have been.”

“No might about it. I caught you. You were miles away.” Aaron moves to sit up now, one hand wide against Seb’s back to keep him in place. “You alright?”

Robert nods. How could he be anything other than alright? “Tired.”

“Yeah,” Aaron says around a yawn, “it was a good day. This guy seemed to enjoy it even if you were stressing out about everything.”

“I know.” He does. It’s taking time for his actions to stop being about proving his worth and to start being about enjoying the moment. “Sorry if I did your head in all day.”

Aaron’s smiling as he scoffs, tipping his head a little in jest. “Yeah well, I’m used to you doing my head in so there’s nothing new there.” His words are soft and trademark Aaron. He only teases the people he loves to the point of insult. “Anyway, I reckon Seb enjoyed when you took him to see the monkeys. He was proper smiling and everything.”

Robert laughs then, mind full of the squeaks and wriggles that made up Seb’s reaction to the monkey enclosure. They’d worried it would be too much for such a little baby but with neither of them too well versed in bringing up an infant, they’d decided to give it a shot and it had been worth the risk. “He did like that bit, didn’t he?”

“Course he did,” Aaron says softly, tucking a still sleeping Seb into the crook of his arm and sitting up. “You don’t realise how much he smiles when you chill out a bit. He loves it.”

Robert watches as Aaron shuffles to the edge of the couch and in one fell swoop looks effortless in his ability to scoop up a baby and stand, his jumper kind of ruffled but annoyingly, it only makes him look more amazing. Robert’s staring. It’s difficult not to. His husband is an oxymoron. How one man can be rough and smooth, hard and soft, kind and completely rude all at once is still a mystery but Robert loves every combination, would never change him and it’s why there’s gratitude at the tip of his tongue nowadays. He can’t express it enough but as he watches Aaron make his way over with his son, he feels a fierce resolution to show it.

“Here,” Aaron says, leaning down to deposit Seb in Robert’s arms. His son is clad in an outfit of Aaron’s choosing - navy dungarees with an embroidered giraffe - and looks so peaceful that Robert hates to risk waking him but as tiny hands instinctively clutch at his cardigan and the warm weight rests against his chest, Robert knows he’s got this. “He’s out of it, Rob, and I need a shower.”

“God, yeah, course. Go,” Robert urges. He’s met with a look of fond exasperation as Aaron swipes his hoodie off the sofa and hunts for his phone. “You want to watch something down here once you’re done and I’ve got him in bed or are you after an early night?”

Aaron’s quiet for a moment and Robert watches his backside as he leans over the couch, hands slipping between the cushions in search. When he finds his phone, Aaron turns and steps close, leaning down and in an uncharacteristic show of affection, plants a kiss on Robert’s cheek. It’s wet and a little messy but it’s the best thing in the world. 

“What’s that for?”

Aaron’s smug as he rounds the sofa, throwing his hoodie over his shoulder. “Do I need a reason?”

“No but I know you and you have one. What is it?”

Laughing to himself, Aaron bobs his head in acceptance. “Yeah alright. I just had a good day and things felt normal again. Better than normal.”

Aaron’s pink cheeked and his eyes are sparkly and Robert can’t help but pull his son closer, feels the need to do the same with his husband but resists when Aaron perches on the arm of the sofa.

“It’s kind of a testament to the past year that normal is a shock to the system,” Robert says and instantly regrets his tone because Aaron’s eyes cloud and one of his hands slips into his sleeve, his fingers curling in on themselves. 

“You don’t need to do that, you know?” Aaron says softly and as if helpless to fight it, Robert’s throat thickens. “We both screwed up. We broke us. But this is now and a lot has happened Robert and if you think for one second I’d take any of that out on him then -”

“I know you wouldn’t,” Robert interrupts, his heart hammering because Aaron must understand, has to know that nobody could ever believe he’d be capable of that kind of cruelty. Seb’s face is pure sunshine as soon as Aaron’s in his line of sight and Aaron reaches out on instinct every single time. He’s wonderful and so unaware of his own heart and he has to know, he has to - “I know you’d never take it out on Seb. That’s not what I meant,” and with that, Aaron’s fingers loosen against the sleeve of his jumper. “Seb adores you. I mean, hell, he even prefers you to me half the time and I wouldn’t have it any other way because clearly he has my genes if he sees how brilliant you are. I just want things to keep being as good as they are now. I don’t want this to be some kind of honeymoon period.”

Aaron’s laughing now. “Robert, I watched you wipe vom off a coat I know cost you a couple of hundred quid today. I’d say we’re pretty far from the way things used to be. I’m different and so are you but we’d be kidding ourselves if we expected stuff to be easy forever but that doesn’t mean we’ve failed, it just means it’s life. But if we stick to what we promised about talking to each other and doing stuff together then I think we’ll be fine. I mean, as if I’m letting you go again, the flat’s never been cleaner and I’ve eaten better this week than I have all year.”

He’s grinning now, all wide eyes and cheeky smirk and Robert  _ loves him _ . “Yeah yeah, I know what I’m good for.”

“Good for a few other things too but I can’t go into that, there’s kids about,” Aaron says, wiggles his eyebrows but ends up mooning at Seb who has tucked his head under Robert’s chin. “Not that I mind that much to be honest. At all, actually.”

It’s then that Robert struggles for words because Aaron means it. He isn’t saying what he thinks Robert wants to hear because they are too close, they can read each other and there isn’t a shred of dishonesty behind those eyes. “You mean that, don’t you?”

Aaron’s still staring at Seb’s face, eyes still so focused and warm. Robert feels his heart beat against his son’s but it extends across the room because  _ of course it does _ . Aaron looks up and under his eyelashes. “You know I do.” There’s a beat and Aaron’s grinning to himself, gathering up his things and coughing as he turns, his hand wiping at his face. It takes everything for Robert to remain seated but Aaron turns as he reaches the bottom of the stairs, hand loosely draped on the bannister and eyes wet and bright. He smiles as he talks and Robert can’t look away. 

“Watch when you’re bringing those dirty clothes down, these stairs are a death trap. Whoever designed this room is an idiot.” 


End file.
